Valentine’s Day is approaching – a day that women who are not in a relationship, and want to be, really do not look forward to. Add in frequent travel to the equation and many of these women send me pleas of, “How do I find someone when I’m traveling all the time?”
So I asked professional relationship coaches, online dating gurus and other women travelers for their advice.
Joyce Morley, Ed.D. of doctorjoyce.com starts off with a great point of it being “imperative that traveling professional business women first have a sense of what they are looking for in a partner, before they start the search for someone to engage in a relationship. If she is not clear within herself as to what she is looking for, traveling can bring about feelings of intense loneliness and a sense of desperation. Desperation will put her in a position of believing that she has to look for and have somebody, causing her to settle for anybody, without stability and commitment.”
I couldn’t agree with Dr. Morley more. Men can sense the desperation in a woman a mile away. And it doesn’t bode well for a relationship when a woman just wants to find ‘somebody’ without really knowing the characteristics that would match what she’s looking for.
Jasbina Ahluwalia Founder & President Intersections Match is a lawyer-turned entrepreneur, dating coach and matchmaker. Her recommendations for meeting someone while traveling include:
- Instead of viewing those inevitable travel lines (checking in, customer service, security, dining establishments, hotels, cab lines, etc.) as wasted time, turn lemons into lemonade and seize the opportunity to confidently and warmly initiate conversations while in line.
- Do the same with your plane/train fellow passengers–you never know! The gentleman or lady in 5C may be (or know) a great person to introduce you to…and travelers guards tend to be lowered while outside of their day-to-day
Sue Richter of www.SeraPublishing.com is an author and travel writer. Sue says that “one of the best places to meet people is in a coffee shop. I can’t tell you how many men have come up to me and started talking to me, even with a ring on my finger. If you’re single and looking for companionship, find out from the locals where the hot spot coffee shop is and go work from there. Bring your laptop, set up shop and look around. You’ll be amazed!”
I know someone who created a business partnership with the guy standing behind her at Starbucks, so Sue probably has something here!
For frequent female travelers who long for connection in far-flung locales, here are some tips from relationship advisor and psychologist Dr. Terri Orbuch (known as the Love Doctor) at drterrithelovedoctor.com:
Contact your alumni association. Alumni associations have clubs and events in most major cities. It’s an automatic “in” for you, and you’ll find yourself among like-minded people. If you don’t feel connected to your own college, check out the parent networking groups for the college/university your child attends.
Meet up with fellow worshipers. If you’re a member of a church, synagogue, or mosque, find one in the city you’ll be visiting. These organizations often offer social events, discussion groups, and talks – and they’ll welcome a fresh face from out of town.
(Another traveler, Casandra Roach of www.InspireMany.com, agrees with this. Casandra, always on the go, still finds time to be active in her church. Says Casandra, “I believe church is a perfect place to find someone “safe” . . .Someone who can share in core values.”)
Go to college. Find the nearest college or university in the town you’ll be visiting and check out their free activities online. They are rich places for interesting lectures, teas, films, theatre events, and more — and you’re apt to meet interesting people.
Be a culture vulture. Look at the calendar of the city you’ll be visiting for interesting events. Try to find ones that list “reception following” the film, talk, tour, etc. The less sitting and watching, and the more doing and interacting that’s involved, the more likely you are to meet fun and like-minded people.
Use your network. Social networking isn’t just for armchair travelers. Post a notice on your LinkedIn or Facebook page that you’ll be in Houston on such-and-such a date and are looking to for an interesting dinner/hiking/museum companion.
Join a tour. Go to a museum or zoo or historical attraction and join a tour that features a docent. By the end of the tour, you’ll have met others with similar interests, and you might be able to strike up an introductory conversation, such as, “Hi, I’m here on business by myself. Have you lived here long? Where’s a good place to eat and a fun place to walk around?”
No matter where you may search for and find a relationship, Dr. Joyce sums it up with more important points for a traveling woman looking for a relationship, and answer the question as to where the ideal partner will live:
A woman should choose a partner who is secure in himself, is willing to sacrifice time with each other, and is willing to compromise in order to go beyond what might be usual and customary, in order to be together. He must be willing to drive or fly to where she is on many occasions.
It is important that the traveling woman seeks a partner who is either at her home base or her most frequently traveled destination. Having a partner at home or one who will be at the most frequent destination allows for a greater level of continuity and consistency in the relationship.
I’d add to Dr. Joyce’s great advice with choosing a partner who has full trust in you, even when you’re on the road. It’s a very special person who can be comfortable in a relationship when one partner may be away for many nights in a year.
So get clear on what you’re looking for, spend time detailing out your ideal partner’s characteristics, and follow these tips to find the love of your life – even with frequent travel!
Joyce Morley, Ed.D.
JMorley Productions, Inc., Decatur, GA
Author, Radio/TV Show Host; Motivational/Keynote Speaker; Psychotherapist; Relationship Expert; Executive/Relationship/Life Coach
Terri Orbuch PhD
Research professor and psychologist, known as The Love Doctor.
A popular love advisor on radio, TV, and peoplemedia.com, seen on NBC’s Today.
Her newest book is 5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great (Random House).
Casandra L Roache,MPH
To receive a free copy of our ebook, 70 Secrets to Safe Travel — Because Your Life Can Change in a Heartbeat, and for more travel savvy info to help you travel smarter, safer and with more enjoyment, visit SmartWomenTravelers.com and PearlsofTravelWisdom.com.